Fun in the Wasteland
New Miracle Drug Improves Healthy People
by Daniel Hayworth
New York Post Science Columnist
Saturday, May 16, 2015
Scientists at Pfizer have announced the synthesis and successful testing of a new drug that improves the mental health of already healthy subjects. Called, serelucidol, the chemical is made by combining two molecules called serenol and lucidone, nicknamed “Sarah” and “Lucy,” which on their own do very little and have troublesome side effects.
The benefits of “Sarah-Lucy,” as it is called by early adopters, include better control over one’s emotions, a general sharpness in thinking, and overall contentment. Unlike most drugs prescribed for ailments such as depression or anxiety, serelucidol does not act directly on the brain’s use of neurotransmitters. Instead, it generates new neurotransmitters that alter the activity of certain neurons.
“The drug makes its way to the prefrontal cortex,” explains one researcher responsible for the drug’s creation, “where it catalyzes the production of certain hormones, which then get sent to different parts of the amygdala. Once there, the hormones tell the cells to express different genes, fundamentally changing the way those cells interpret signals. It basically lets the conscious mind [Freud’s ego] order around the subconscious mind [Freud’s id].”
Serelucidol is a breakthrough in modern medicine and it is expected to be released as an over the counter supplement within the next year…
Red Hand Headquarters Found, Say Officials
by Robert Halton
New York Post Staff Writer
Sunday, November 1, 2015
FBI officials say a routine police raid in a classified location has uncovered what is believed to be the base of operations of the liberal terrorist anarcho-communist group known as the Red Hand. Large amounts of marijuana were found in the building, along with military-grade poisons, explosives, armaments, and blueprints to important government buildings. This is suspected to be one of many terrorist bases hidden throughout the nation.
The police discovered the base after receiving an anonymous tip about suspicious people entering and exiting the building…
…so if you see anything suspicious, please notify the authorities at once. Your country’’s safety depends on it.